There was an Overheard in Chicago Insta post recently where someone supposedly said, “Is there anything worse than a childless couple that goes to Disney World?...” It goes on from there, and it’s not kind to the aforementioned, childfree twosome at Disney. As a person who has gone, and continues to go, to theme parks with my partner, I very much resemble that remark. Do I feel attacked? Should I have been given a trigger warning? No, I get it. The stereotypical theme park visitor sans kid (heck, even avec kid) can be irritating. Spending $1000 to stand in long lines (or more annoyingly race between FastPass pick-ups) wearing coordinated Mickey & Minnie costumes, gnawing on grotesquely large turkey legs... yeah, sometimes, it’s not pretty...but I.Love.It! Yes, I love theme parks. All of them. The elaborate yet efficient Disney and Universal. The massive roller coasters and Flash Pass Premium (and often a bit of sketch) of Great America. The classic rides, nostalgic charm (and a lot of sketch) of country fairs. So obviously, when our trip included Japan, it also included a day at Disney in Tokyo and Universal Studios in Osaka.
DisneySea: Sets the experience standard
If you are a theme park aficionado, you already know that Disney Tokyo is actually two theme parks: Disneyland and DisneySea. We only had time for one, so a decision had to be made. A quick Google search will tell you that DisneySea is the internet’s consensus choice, with the oft-cited reason being that DisneySea is more unique, better executed and recognized by many as the best Disney park in the world. After spending 14hrs there, I agree with the internet sentiment. This park is special, gorgeous and most of all, immersive. I’ve come to adore the Japanese care and attention to detail, and with a theme park as their canvas, the combination makes DisneySea the most enjoyable theme park I have ever been to (sorry Great Escape, Lake George NY :)
DisneySea is a collection of 7 different worlds, and they are efficiently organized and expertly done:
Mediterranean Harbor
American Waterfront
Port Discovery
Lost River Delta
Arabian Coast
Mermaid Lagoon
Mysterious Island
At the risk of sounding dopey, at times, I forgot I wasn’t 30min from the largest city in Japan. I know, clichéd and earnest, but true. This park was executed perfectly. I think part of what draws people to Disney is the feeling of being transported, to another place or point in time. If this is what you are looking for, DisneySea delivers big time.
The rides at DisneySea aren’t as thrilling as Universal’s, they take second stage to the delights of the experience. Wandering around during the day and night, soaking in the architecture and artistry. We walked over 15 miles and each foot was worth it.
Universal Studios: Great rides, good enough experience
Jackie and I have learned that we give different levels of effort to our tasks...she gives 100%, I give 80%. I see diminishing returns after 80% she believes that if it’s worth doing, then it’s worth giving full effort. After spending a day at each park, I see that DisneySea is about cohesion and a magical guest experience, while Universal Studios is about big attractions and “that’s good enough.” Though, the characterization of Jackie as a Disney Park and I as a Universal Park has me feeling a little less than. Might have to work on that analogy.
Universal Studios is also divided into different areas, nine of them, but they aren’t as well organized as DisneySea, with more dead ends, less intuitive navigation and fewer bathrooms (at least ones that were easy to find.)
Hollywood
New York
Minion Park
San Francisco
Jurassic Park
Amity Village
Waterworld
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter
Universal Wonderland
While walking through the Wizarding World, we were identifying aspects of the attraction that we thought would be done better by Disney (e.g. 15 Holiday Frog Choir singers and a Christmas themed stage vs. 5 Holiday Frog Choir singers and an unadorned stage).
We both, erroneously, thought that Disney was getting the rights to Harry Potter attractions in 3-5 years. Google set us straight and informed us that Disney did attempt to secure the attraction rights to Harry Potter, but JK Rowling found their proposal small and not very wizarding...and in reflection, I think that makes sense. Disney is unmatched on execution and obsessed on details, but Universal does have bigger attraction ideas.
So, I will focus on that, the attractions, because that is what Universal brings to the midway. In order of ridemazingness, the definitive Roche ranking of the rides ridden at Universal Studios, Japan.
Roche’s Ridemazingness Ranking
Hollywood Backdrop: The Japanese take rollercoaster ride safety very seriously. On the roller coaster at Tokyo Dome, we had a SSS airline ticket level of inspection and had to remove every-last bit of jewelry. I’m talking bracelets and earrings. On Hollywood Backdrop, we were visually inspected and then required to stand still for metal detection by wand. In a country where 0.0% of cyclists wear bike helmets, they are surprisingly concerned about death by rollercoaster. Hollywood Backdrop (not to be confused with Backdraft, as a certain Lois and Claire tended to do) is the Hollywood Dream rollercoaster in reverse, and it’s a delight. Not being able to see what’s to come adds a couple of revolutions to the stomach flip. It’s a smooth ride, which is a big bonus in my Rollercoaster scoring schema. Oh, and you can choose from 5 songs to play in your seat (albeit a curious collection of songs). I <cough>, couldn’t Shake It Off all day. 9/10
The Flying Dinosaur: An inverted rollercoaster a la Superman at Great America. Riding face to ground is exhilarating and you pull some serious G’s on the 360-degree loops. This ride earns the 90minute+ wait times (which can be avoided with the must-have Express Pass). 9/10
The Hollywood Dream: Less intense than The Flying Dinosaur, with no inverted loops or unique riding positions, but a satisfying roller coaster, particularly at sunset with incredible views of Osaka. 8/10
The Forbidden Journey: The same Harry Potter-themed ride as in Universal Studios Hollywood, but in Japanese (sadly, without British accents). Jackie and I both agree that the rides are less immersive when the story isn’t in your language, but the thrills and visual effects make them worth doing. High-quality video, spurting water, heat, animation...this ride delivers, and leaves you a wee bit woozy, I recommend enjoying a Butter Beer after riding. 8/10
The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman: I was a bit skeptical of this ride given it had < 10-minute wait (on a day where lines extended up to 90 minutes for The Flying Dinosaur) but it was great. Again a lot of the story was lost in translation but this 4D ride is a must-do. 8/10
Space Fantasy: This is an indoor, spinning roller coaster, which is basically Universal’s answer to Space Mountain (which was broken during our trip to Disneyland California.) Expectations were low given the <10-minute wait (you can see the power of social proof on me) but the ride was fun. Stomach flips, disorientation, surprises. 7/10
Jurassic Park The Ride: This is a water-ride, a ride that 14-yr old Heather would say “iie” to, lest it flatten my Salon Selectives soaked hair. Thankfully, 41-yr old Heather is in Japan and gladly said “hai” to this ride. The animatronics are decent and it felt credibly "Jurassic" but it’s not particularly thrilling, until the very end. The drop pays off, and you can get soaked. Jackie and I shared a single rain jacket and managed to leave the ride without having to wring out our clothes. 7/10
Despicable Me Minion Mayhem: I’ve never seen Despicable Me, so a lot of the pre-roll was lost on me (thankfully as a new ride, the video had English subtitles). Boy, was there a lot of preamble: 15 minutes after entering the ride, we still weren’t on said ride, which is a motion simulator, much like the Simpson’s at Universal Studios Hollywood or Millennium Falcon at Disney California. I’m generally meh on these types of rides and this was no exception. 5/10
Jaws: The set design is spectacular, particularly for a Universal Studios attraction. It’s easy to believe you are floating around a Massachusetts harbor (that is until you see Hogwarts in the distance). The story is told entirely in Japanese (except when the boat captain looked directly at me and said “No pictures” accompanied by the Japanese X) and the Jaws “attacks” aren’t particularly surprising or scary. What gets this ride a middling ranking is mostly because I don’t speak Japanese, which probably isn’t fair to the ride, but hey, that’s the judge’s discretion. 5/10
Flight of the Hippogriff: More like Flight of the Hippoyougottabekiddingmethatwasa10secondride ....this rollercoaster was so short that when it stopped, Jackie thought it was broken and started taking pictures of a cute, little bird. 2/10.
Stray Observations (Theme park edition)
DisneySea incorporated Japanese culture into the park, while Universal Studios is Japanese in location and language only. This was most apparent in the food offered. DisneySea served salmon fillets, rice and 10oz sodas for ~$10USD. Universal Studios was reppin’ America by deep-frying every food imaginable and charging $20USD on average.
Speaking of America, after riding Backdrop, we saw an American flag atop a nearby building, waving regally in the mid-morning sun. We looked at each other, nodded, placed our right hand over our hearts and recited the pledge of allegiance. #notweird
Planning provides flexibility a million fold. Before each theme park day, we knew that we wanted to optimize our time in the park, so we sat together reviewing the best websites for "how to do" each theme park, planned via spreadsheet our "schedule" and downloaded the appropriate wait-time apps. This all afforded us great flexibility in the park, because when a ride finished quickly or took too long, or we lost steam, we could easily shuffle things around because of our attraction prioritization we had done previously. (Unnecessarily, we also kept track in the park of our actual... because we're total nerds.)
There is an earnestness in Japanese culture that I adore and know I will miss when we head to more, well, jaded countries. All types of people, couples and groups dress in matching outfits without a hint of irony or embarrassment. People double wave at you with huge smiles and it’s impossible not to don an equally big smile and enthusiastically wave back. (God, am I losing every last bit of my Upstate New Yorker edge? #retoricalquestion)
Oh, I played a carnival game and won a plush Cookie Monster. I carried it around proudly for several hours, soaking up all the attention the blue, sugar-addicted Muppet brought me, before giving Cookie a permeant, and better home, to a beautiful family of four.
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